July 2009 Archives
The evening is bright and warm, filled with bird song. Hours are open around me.
Yet I feel as blank and pointless as an empty cup.
I started writing an email, then discarded it, only to start it again. Three times, in the last 20 minutes. I think I should just scrap that one and sleep instead...
And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you.
I've realized that I hardly ever rate any of the songs in my iTunes library less than 3 stars. It's kind of funny, actually. I haven't found any "twos" or "ones" at all -- and I have over 224 albums in there so far. Guess I like, well, just about everything.
A while back, I took one of those highly scientific Facebook quizzes. To find out what breed of dog I was. Turns out I'm a Golden Retriever. Maybe that explains why I'm easily pleased.
Oddly-enough, I'm appreciative of a great many things in life -- almost everything gets three stars and up, baby -- yet I am unhappy at the same time. There was much to enjoy about today, and much to be deeply saddened by. Maybe everything happens all-at-once, all the time. Sounds just weird enough to be true. Makes it hard to tell which track you should be paying more attention to at any given moment, though.
Or whether or not you should write an email, apparently.
What the heck. I give the Brian Eno & David Byrne album, Everything That Happens Will Happen Today four stars. At least. Woof!
"Everything that happens will happen today
& nothing has changed, but nothing's the same
and ev'ry tomorrow could be yesterday
and ev'rything that happens will happen today"
Everything That Happens, David Byrne & Brian Eno
I'm feeling jaggy and almost extravagantly depressed. I keep turning away from it -- only to find it popping up in my face again. Stronger. I must be turning into a wuss in my old age or something. Just lovely. And I hate to hear myself whining so much. No matter how I look at it, though: this sucks.
I've been watching the anime series, Mushi-Shi (which is absolutely beautiful and thought-provoking, by-the-way). The opening of each episode features, "The Sore Feet Song" by Scottish musician Ally Kerr. It fits the series in an oblique and elegant way...and resonates with me as well.
My feet are sore, almost every day. I do so much walking. Unlike the character in the song, however, I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.
I wish I was. And that I was seeing deeper into the world around me. It feels like I'm missing a lot.
It is bittersweet how true life's cliches turn out to be. The simplest things get proven, over and over: Family is important, carpe diem, nothing is worth more than this day. On and on it goes. Seems like most of the stuff you need to know, you already do.
In light of that, I'll offer this unneccessary advice: cherish the simple things. Tell the ones close to you that you love them. Live in the moments, deeply.
In light of that, I'll offer this unneccessary advice: cherish the simple things. Tell the ones close to you that you love them. Live in the moments, deeply.
And if you have someone's hand to hold, do so -- as often as you can.
Today I saw a hummingbird, stopped still in the air. And a lush wanton flower -- that looked like a cat's tongue feels. Daylight is evaporating. I am still, inside. Gonna have a beer, and watch an episode of Mushi-Shi. Then dream, dream away my night.
Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home
-- Owl City, If My Heart Was A House
Early evening heat is wrapped around me like a second skin...but the sky is still blue. And new hours are opening. Flowers made of seconds and minutes.
I just downloaded the iTunes free single of the week. It's called, "Fireflies" by Owl City, so you know I had to go for that. I've always had a thing for fireflies. The song made me feel happy. I highly recommend it. Here's to joy...
"Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
from ten thousand lighting bugs
as they tried to teach me how to dance..."
-- Fireflies, Owl City
Continue reading Fireflies.
I'm alone, here. It's getting dark. Sounds of small fireworks in the distance; too early for the big ones. Other than that, just the highway whispers. I should be in bed. I should be...something. But I'm alone here. And I don't feel real.
The sea's evaporatingThough it comes as no surprise
These clouds we're seeing
They're explosions in the sky
It seems it's written
But we can't read between the line
Placebo, Sleeping With Ghosts
i feel like a ghost, like the silence after an echo
