October 2009 Archives

I always associated her with Autumn. Dark hair and eyes, pale skin - like the deeper nights and cool moonlight that comes with the season. Dramatic and changeable. This time is her favorite time. I loved sharing the playful and the spooky with her. Decorating. Riding the change in the light together. What I never questioned were her feelings for me. I saw echoes of them in the colors of the Fall. It is a sweet beauty to forget, for a time, that the seasons change. A gift: to be caught up in an endless golden moment. But we pass through. The flame-tinted glories of Autumn fall free, and are swept away. Leaving my heart bare.

Let us start in the slow rivers inside our bones, And work outward. Spinning foundations from the sensual. Architecture from imagery. Of dreams and memory: an eventual edifice. Imagining time, to give us a line to follow. Pretending our personalities. And forgetting, as fast as we can, The Water before the Word.

Today is a low day.  Dim, gray-washed.  A persistent ache behind my eyes.  Nervousness, exhaustion and loneliness twirling mechanically together, like slow clockwork figures.  Some time is available -- but I don't know what to do with it.  What I want, I cannot have.  Sleep is alluring but would repair nothing.  I feel like an empty room in a quiet house.

I dream of walking alone in the dunes.  The heat, empty forever blue sky...the wash-out sound of waves, unseen.  Wind.  My feet sinking into the hot gritty silk of the sand.  Sea oats rustling.  The blood pumping in my veins, almost loud enough to hear in the sun bleached organic silence around me.  The feel of my flesh on me: hot, heavy, taut.  Deeper, between smooth sweeps.  The surf hidden from me.  Nothing but curves and sand and sky.  Down -- where the breeze does not reach like a warm hand.  Where the quiet sinks in.  The sun is too bright to look at and I can taste salt upon my lips.  I was there.  I am there, dreaming it while awake.

It is beautiful this Sunday morning.  Warm sunlight pouring down, making everything shine.  It's as if the glimmers of moonlight from last night have lingered...and warmed.  Autumn's taste is in the air, it's glow in the slanting of the light.  And the colors of Fall are beginning to shine through.