Love & Life

I worry that things seem to pass so rapidly now. And each year, faster.

Perhaps, when we are deeply focused, thinking, reflecting, and actively exploring our experiences, we are manifesting a soul. When we just skim across the surface, we may be reducing ourselves to automata.

I know that our brains are wired to notice novelty -- and to pay less attention to the common. (The whole, "one of these things is not like the other" focus was probably a very useful survival trait in the past.) But it is troubling that we learn, as we age, to ignore so much. In the past, the world had more depth, moments had greater weight and were laden with meaning and myth. Of course it isn't the world that has changed -- it is me. Sometimes it feels like my soul was a wild and giant animal then; rich and textured. And now...now it has become a clock, ticking off the seconds. There are moments, at this point, when the world seems so light and superficial that it barely seems to be there at all. I barely seem to be there at all.

I have a small (and slowly growing) group of phrases that I have collected; facets of an evolving personal motto, I suppose. One of them is: Homo ex Machina. A play on Deus ex machina (or "God from the machine") this is, "man from the machine". I first saw it as the name of a sculpture in the movie, "Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence". To me, it means that our humanity evolves from the mechanistic foundations of our biology. Deus ex machina, descends. Homo ex machina, rises.

I worry, though, that time and repetition teaches us to lighten our focus and drift back toward the machine, and to the swift flickering of seconds -- our souls fading like old photographs. I worry that our biology gives us the chance to be human, but the inclination not to.

Another phrase that has meaning for me is: Venus Significat Humanitatem or, "It is love which makes us human."

I think that humanity might be something we can do, not necessarily something that we are -- and that the thing that pushes us highest up the slope of humanity, is love.

My Mom and Dad knew each other for 60 years, were married for 47. Every day of my life they taught me about love, by example. They showed me what it is to be human, how to truly love another person -- how to rise above the machinery.

Like the illusionary passing of time, their example has flickered by. I did not pay enough attention to it when it was right before me. I did not focus on it. Only now, when my mother is gone, am I considering what her and my father have been showing me, every day, for the last 45 years.

That love does not walk away. That it sacrifices, endures...grows. Love focuses, and evolves meaning from the momentary. Love is the deeper thing in us, and in the world.

It is so easy to let time accelerate. To ignore the work that makes us human. Easy to forget our souls.

I am sorry I did not pay enough attention, Mom and Dad. I will try to do better. I will try not to be a clockwork thing. I love you both.

Thank you for showing me how.