April 2010 Archives
I feel used up.
Happy Birthday, Bill. I hope your day is good and that things get better. Here's to happier times ahead.
Love,
John
Listening to Kate's beauty, my Chicago coffee mug full. All the windows are open. Sleeping late this morning was a gift. I made John's Cheesy Egg & Bagel Surprise for my breakfast. Tasty. The coffee is good, too. I'm going to order Bill some books in a bit. For his Birthday. Pick up some vitamins for myself, too. Think I'll try getting back to meditation. I used to do that in college. Worked well, at the time... That, "solace in beauty" phrase has been drifting around in my mind for a few days, now. I think it means something. Going to give that a try, too.
Continue reading Semi-Random Bop.
I dreamt that I was on a first date -- in the vast and elaborate attic of an ancient house. I was happy but nervous, probably because someone else in the attic was trying to kill me by shooting arrows at me. Still, I had a good time. The girl I was with was sweet, with a beautiful smile. And three eyes.
I gotta get out more.
Out there, the day is dialing down the blue. Moments closer to monochrome. My window candle has flickered to life. A dot of yellow. Almost all quiet, in here.
I should probably eat; or possibly not. Maybe check the laundry. Or do...something else. I have to work, tomorrow.
Hard to find a point.
Hah.
Before it shaded, I was out there. Dilated. SunlIght on me like a wave. Swirling flower petals gave the air shape. I took a photo of her, once, in a similar shower of white. Gone now. Today, I closed my eyes to the expanded shine. My vision was blurred and over-exposed anyway. I listened, instead. The heat sank into my skin. Perfume on the breeze. Rising curves of wind. Droplets, on my face. Thin lines of water are connecting the earth and sky, now. The sky is a charcoal smudge. Light seeping back in, around the edges.
We're here and now, will we ever be again?
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away, again
It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away...
Shimmer - Fuel
Tired and shivery. Falling toward bed, slow. Don't care if I dream; just want to sleep. I'm off for the next two days. Not sure what to do. Hoping to stretch the hours, I guess. It's very quiet. Black outside. I'm missing...a lot. I feel like an empty glass.
Venus
Significat
Humanitatem
For Mom & Grams,
Dad and I visited the graves of my Mom, Grandmother and uncle. It was quiet and pretty there: small groups of people placing flowers and visiting, as well. As we drove back, the traffic started to pile up. Holiday weekend. Washed and waxed my car, in the sunshine and wind. Kept thinking of the past while I was cleaning: trips and adventures I wanted to share with someone else who is gone... Drank the last shot from my small bottle of Patron and sat in the yard for a while, feeling the heat on my skin. A wild turkey walked by. The scent of hyacinths swirled. A robin regarded me from a flowerbed. My Dad got the fountain in the koi pond working again. I can hear the sound of water through my open window. And the highway. Everything else is quiet. I'm going to take a shower. Eat. Then watch a movie.
Continue reading Saturday: Easter Weekend.
Deja vu. Back in 2005, I had lost a love and was drifting aimlessly into Easter weekend. I never even remotely believed that I would be in the same position, five years later. Missing even more, now. Me, my Dad, my Mom and my Grandmother spent that Easter together. My Mom and my Grandmother are gone now. Five years seems like nothing. A scarce handful of sand; certainly not an abundance of time. I can't believe that's all there was. For all of us. It doesn't seem fair. It hurts like mountains. I wish I could have it all back -- but it's all gone. And I'm here, again.
