Results tagged “lonely” from The Allurium

Sitting here in the dining room, alone.  Quiet as an empty glass.  The windows are black.  I am tired -- but restless.  Blankly distressed, but letting that submerge.  I've forgotten two different PIN numbers, two days in-a-row, now.  I never forget things.  Never used to, I guess.  Oh well.  Listening to the furnace blow hot air through the vents; it sounds tidal.

Friday, and I am the only one making sounds in here.  Stirring my coffee, rustling the paper.  Occasionally speaking aloud to myself.  From outside, other sounds accentuate the stillness: soft sweeps from the parkway, a barking dog, the distant thump of G-20 helicopters.  No work today and I slept in.  Awoke to stillness.  Silence.  There is a vacuum inside me, similar to the dialed down level of ambient sound around me.  Emptiness pulls the outside in -- but the outside is muted too.  I think of dust, almost imperceptibly accumulating on surfaces.  Perhaps some chores, and cleaning, will pull my thoughts away from this quieting.  I am very lonely.

As if my mainspring is unwinding, I keep grinding into fits and starts.  Stopping momentarily, on my day off, and trying to figure out what to do with myself.  Then moving on to another mundane thing.  I'm kind of aggressively depressed at the moment.  Perhaps getting outside will help.  I'm going to take a camera.  And a shot of Mezcal.  I need some kind of key, to wind me back up.