8:29 PM, Wednesday night. All this bright air and the vivid emergence of spring flowers has me feeling open and kinetic. I want to change things, get out and about, party...buy a new car.
Instead, I blew my nose a lot today and ordered some new CDs from Music Boulevard. What the heck -- I’m working my way up to that other stuff...
A while back I was reading through some story fragments that I keep on my hard drive. The files are mostly just little chunks of this and that, experiments, free writing, and well...crap, actually. But there was this one unfinished story that really caught my attention. The thing was extremely sharp, fast and edgy, and barely seemed like something I’d write at all. (Hah. No sarcastic comments!) I read through the story fragment a few times trying to find my way into that frame of mind, trying to get back into that particular groove. But I couldn’t. I’d really like to finish the thing but I don’t want to push and lose the vibe the story has now. It’s frustrating.
Sometimes a certain style will click for me and a story will blossom with hardly any conscious effort on my part. Other times (unfortunately) it is like trying to plant a flowerbed with your eyes closed. I know that, with practice, I should be able to work my way into any kind of groove I need to create a story. However, I wonder if certain works just have to grow on their own terms.
Eventually I will finish that story fragment. I just have to wait for the right inner season...
Anyway, things here are clear and wide. For the first time in months I have my windows open, feeling the air. Soon the hyacinths will be blooming. I bought three CDs today (Dave Matthews, Creed, and Dovetail Joint) and the weekend is just around the corner.
I’m working my way up to it.
--- JWR, 3/31/99
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