Tangerine: A Book of Hours

6:41 PM, Sunday evening. Tangerines...

The room is dark, Stevie Ray Vaughan is on the CD player. I’m drinking ice cold water. I’ve been thinking about online diaries/journals -- in relation to the standard written kind. I’m beginning to wonder if, as the saying goes, it’s like comparing apples and oranges.

Over the past weeks I’ve read quite a few online diaries (mostly by folks who are part of the Open Pages webring). Aside from being generally intimidated by the quantity, depth, and intimacy of the writing that I’ve sampled I’ve also come to wonder if online diaries really are the same as written ones.

I don’t think they are.

A personal journal/diary is usually just that: personal. The writer uses it to record events in his or her life, work things out, express feelings that they normally wouldn’t in public. Many online diaries present this same kind of information -- but they present it knowing (indeed, hoping) that their entries are going to be read by others. In some ways, I think that this subtly changes the nature of an online diary.

At least it does in my case. I’ve never really kept a written diary. About a year ago (following the advice of a friend) I got a notebook and have been setting down various thoughts, things-to-do lists, doodles, and the like within its pages. The stuff I write there really is only for me, though. It is a lot more...raw, than anything I post here (or anything I write publicly in any form).

Maybe that is a mistake.

Would this journal (or my writing in general) be better if I held nothing back? Is it even possible to hold nothing back? Is a dairy really a diary if it is written with an audience in mind? How can you act natural and express your truest self if you know someone is watching, judging?

How many more self-referential questions will I ask?

Maybe it is just comparing apples and oranges (or more accurately: oranges and other "orange like" fruits, hah). A personal diary and an online one are very similar -- but there are differences. They are related forms, each with unique strengths, weaknesses, and uses.

Vaughan is really jamming now. I wish I could have seen him play live.

Here, have a tangerine...

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Tangerines" »

Posted by The Allurium at 4:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

9:38 PM, Monday evening. Godzilla, I’ve noticed, is vaguely pyramidal in shape. He has big feet, wide legs, and a thick lower body that gradually narrows as you move upward toward his pointy head. I used to love Godzilla movies when I was a kid (heck, I’d probably watch one now if I came across it on cable). I remember dragging my parents to the Hollywood Theater in Dormont to see Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster back when I was in grade school. I bet they were thrilled beyond belief; I certainly thought it was cool.

They are making a new Godzilla movie. It’s going to be a big-budget affair with top-of-the-line special effects, known actors and such. It looks pretty neat. (I watched the movie trailer on the Godzilla website -- which probably explains why I had a dream last night about being chased around by the big monster lizard.)

Godzilla used to scare the willies out of me when I was a kid (even when he sort of became a "good guy" in some of his later films). I loved the movies just the same, though.

I put together a model of Godzilla back when I was in grade school, amazingly it is still in one piece today. The model kit came with a stand to place Godzilla on (formed like a little city in the process of being squished) and alternate feet, hands, head and other bits. You could put together the "all-green" Godzilla or do the "glow-in-the-dark" Godzilla (which was a two-toned affair featuring a green body with glowing white plastic feet, hands, head, spine and tail).

Guess which version I glued together?

So many toys that you really loved in childhood get lost, broken, or thrown away as you grow up. Remembering them can be quite sad sometimes (don’t even get me started about my stuffed Winnie-the-Pooh). I guess it is a trite sentiment but I think it is nice when something that was fun in childhood survives to maturity (or as close as some of us can get to maturity).

In honor of this entry, I have taken my model of Godzilla out of storage and now have him sitting on top of my computer as I type. I think he’s missing a few teeth and one claw has snapped-off, but otherwise Godzilla is in pretty good shape.

I’m glad that I kept him.

--- JWR, 1997

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Posted by The Allurium at 4:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

4:07 PM, Friday afternoon. It’s gray and rainy; I’m doing my laundry and listening to The Cure, "Disintegration" -- a pretty good match for the day. I remember writing a science fiction story while continually listening to this CD. The story was cyberpunk, all darkly-gleaming with stylistic sweeps and poses. It’d be nice if it sold some day (though I suppose cyberpunk as a subgenre is a bit dated now). Other than that, I have nothing to say.

Having fixed a couple of toilets in my time (well, actually three) I can appreciate the ingenious though somewhat Rube Goldberg-ian mechanics. (Water comes in there, raising that float, pushing a lever that shuts-off the water at a certain level in anticipation of The Big Flush.) That said, there is definitely an idea that I’ve read about in several science fiction works that is simply too good not to come true at some point. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’m talking about:

Smart toilets!

First-off, you could certainly make the mechanics of your basic toilet more efficient in terms of water consumption, etc. But why stop there? Your porcelain friend could be self-sterilizing, as well as outfitted with an array of sensing and diagnostic equipment. It could notify you of a variety of medical problems, identify infections or deficiencies, refer you to a doctor should something serious be discovered. Heck, a smart toilet could probably run pregnancy tests.

"Honey, the oven says we should be cooking meals higher in beta-carotene; it’s printing up a shopping list."

"Not now dear, the toilet says I’m pregnant."

Right now you can get bathroom scales that can measure your body-fat content and track your weight over time. Smart toilets should be just around the corner. It’s an idea that’s just too good not to become reality.

(They might even remember to put the seat down all on their own...)

(And yes, I am very easily amused.)

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Smart Toilets" »

Posted by The Allurium at 4:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

3:44 PM, Wednesday afternoon. The grass (partially covered by the yellows and browns of falling leaves) now has a scattered frosting of snow. It’s a cold, clear day here.

I read a little of Walter Tevis’s novel The Man Who Fell to Earth last night -- such a sadly beautiful story. It’s been years since I first read the novel. I put it back on the shelf though, after a brief sampling. November is too quiet a time to read that kind of book, at least at the moment. The novel I am reading now is Slant by Greg Bear. Very cool stuff. (And, actually, the title of the novel is not Slant but: / According to the copyright info "The title consists solely of the slant sign." Neat.) Bear can always make my head spin with the believable strangeness of his future worlds.

And now for something completely different:

Fun with Gummi Bears 101. Gather a collection of different-colored Gummi Bears. Carefully bite the heads off-of each bear (don’t worry, they don’t mind). Save the heads -- don’t eat them (this is important). Now stick contrasting heads on various Gummi Bear bodies for an elegant color effect. You can have red Gummi Bears with orange heads, clear ones with red heads, and so on. Invite friends to participate -- make a party out of it! Or, make your Gummi Bear excursion a first date for that special someone: show up at her/his place dressed in your best clothes, say, "Have I got a night planned for us!" Then take your enthralled date back to your place, sit down at the kitchen table, and whip out the Gummi Bears. "Honey, wait till you get a load of this!"

Now that’s a memorable evening.

In a similar vein...

My Grandmother gave my Mother an old hardback book, faded and filled with newspaper clippings, writing and printed material. It is called the Desk Diary: 1946. In the very back, under the heading, "Institutional Recipes of Authoritative Origin" is something that, very possibly, is not on any other web page in the world. (A drum-roll please.) I present for your culinary experimentation, a recipe for...

Brownies!

A whole heck of a lot of brownies.

(I’m not kidding, we’re talking 720 servings here -- or 1,440 individual brownies.)

Brownies
by Frances Berkeley Floore (United Nations Relief and Rehabilitation Administration, Europe)
Ingredients
Sugar: 30 pounds
Eggs: 10 dozen
Flour, pastry: 7 ½ pounds
Chocolate: 7 ½ pounds
Shortening: 15 pounds
Nuts: 10 pounds
Salt: ¼ cup

--- Mix sugar and eggs together in Hobart mixer [whatever that is]. Melt chocolate and shortening. Add flour and salt to egg mixture and chocolate and shortening last. Add nuts. Pour into 15 greased pans (17 x 26 inches). Bake in a moderate oven (350 degrees Fahrenheit) Cut each pan into 90 pieces (6 x 16) and serve two to a serving.

I have to go lie down now...

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "1,440 Brownies" »

Posted by The Allurium at 4:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

5:17 PM, Tuesday afternoon. Let’s see: A zombie (twice), The Grim Reaper, a pirate (a few times), an evil jester, The Phantom of the Opera, one of The Three Musketeers (as candy bars), The Crow, and a vampire of the elegantly-gothic sort. I’ve been quite a few things since I got old enough to hit the bars and start dressing-up for Halloween again.

At the moment however, I’m just me -- typing away here while listening to Stone Temple Pilots go "Trippin’ On a Hole in a Paper Heart". There, I just cranked the stereo up a bit. Now you won’t hear me whisper: "I have nothing to say..."

I’ve always loved Halloween. I can’t believe it’s only a few days away already. And I don’t have a firm idea for a costume yet! Arrgh. I’m going to have to come up with something fast -- suggestions are always welcome. (You know, considering the fact that I primarily write science fiction it’s odd that I’ve never dressed-up as something, um, science fictional...)

Anyway.

My Grandmother got married on Halloween -- how cool is that? My brother Joel was born on All Saints Day (the day after Halloween; a religious holiday, don’t ya know). Hmm, for that matter, my Dad was born on Valentine’s Day. Notable (at least to me) events linked with holidays.

There is no holiday that I’m aware of associated with my birthday. (What an oversight on the part of those folks in charge of making holidays!) However, I was born on the twelfth day of the twelfth month -- if the year would have been 1912 that would have really been funky in a numerically significant (or maybe not) kinda way...

Double-Hmm, if you were very superstitious (and possessed a great deal of self control and perfect timing) you could have a child who was born July 7, 2007 and who’s birthdate would then be: 7/7/07. Three sevens -- take that kid to Vegas!

I know: I have way too much time on my hands.

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Halloweening" »

Posted by The Allurium at 3:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

4:37 PM, Friday afternoon. What a rainy, dreary day this is...

I’ve been answering email and poking half-heartedly around the web all afternoon. Last night, I downloaded a "Bladerunner" Theme Pack for Windows 95 -- it’s pretty neat. I got it from the Westwood Studios page devoted to their upcoming Bladerunner game. I was amazed to see that they recommend 300 MBs free space on your hard drive to install the game. Yowza! And here I was beginning to think that a 6+ gigabyte hard drive on a new system would be over-kill...

Hmm, I guess it’s actually true today: I have nothing to say.

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Blade Runner" »

Posted by The Allurium at 3:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

9:53 PM, Thursday night. Hmm, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to post a new "I Have Nothing To Say" entry this week. Wait a minute -- duh!

Nevermind.

(Existence is proof of existence, don’t you think?)

I like my computer. I mean, its looks aren’t that bad, comparatively speaking. For quite some time now, however, I have been aware of newer systems that are starting to look almost, well, elegant. I like that trend. Specifically, I love the way the Toshiba Infinia computer looks -- like something out of a science fiction movie. I’ve never been able to figure out why computers have to all be that same, fairly boring, putty color. For that matter, I don’t know why computers all have to be the same shape. The electronics involved require certain uniformity in computer systems -- but there is still a lot of room for creativity in the over-all design of the things. They definitely could be a bit more attractive. We spend enough time staring at them each day.

Computers should be pretty.

I get a kick out of those "natural" keyboards. You know, the ones that are angled and arranged differently. I’m not sure if I’d like using one but, if I had the extra cash, I’d probably get one -- just because they look so cool. And I’m sick of boxy, putty-colored printers, as well. I want something snazzy.

When I upgrade my system, I am going to go out of my way to get a computer that not only features the latest technology but one that also pushes my "neat-o" button style-wise.

Something in obsidian and stainless steel or maybe burnished copper and cherrywood...

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Pretty PCs" »

Posted by The Allurium at 3:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

3:47 PM, Wednesday afternoon, the sky is milky white. Shawn Colvin is on the CD player. October is still warm...

I have a small collection of puzzle boxes; that is, boxes (usually made of wood) that have a "trick" to opening them. The biggest box in my collection requires seven steps to unlock it. The smallest box needs only one maneuver to open it (but that movement is a difficult one). I like them a lot. I enjoy puzzles in general -- especially mechanical puzzles. There is something that is both involving and (to me at least) soothing in working something out with your hands. I remember when Rubik’s Cubes were a big fad. Kids would master the many steps to aligning all the colored faces of the cube -- and then see how fast they could repeat the process.

I think that there is a difference in learning something with your mind and learning it with your body. Understanding the steps to solving a mechanical puzzle is not the same as actually opening the box with your hands.

When I was studying martial arts, it was fairly easy to understand the various movements and positions. However, actually being able to smoothly perform those techniques was a different process. When I would physically master a block or strike I would get the same "ah-hah!" feeling I get when solving a mechanical puzzle. I would know the movement with my body, as well as understanding it with my mind.

This doesn’t just apply to physical skills like martial arts, dancing, or juggling -- I think it applies to everything. When you fully understand a mathematical formula, foreign language, or investment strategy you know it, somehow, inside. You feel it.

Understanding occurs in the mind. Knowing occurs in the body.

At least that’s how it feels to me.

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Body Knowing" »

Posted by The Allurium at 3:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

6:05 PM, Wednesday evening. Sometimes I can become a slave to patterns. I like creating designs, rhythms, arrangements. Take this page for instance: a collection of entries, each prefaced by the time, a brief blurb, and the phrase, "I have nothing to say..." Each entry containing a related link. Patterns. I like them. However, patterns can become traps, as well. I don’t want to get tangled up in a web of my own spinning -- so let’s alter things a bit this time, eh?

It seems to me that there is something magical in every season. Many people have favorites; I like each season in its own right. Though Autumn started officially with the Autumnal Equinox I never truly feel it until October rolls around. I like the change carried in the cooling air, the coloring of the leaves, the turning toward the holiday season. Autumn brings me inward, as Spring leads me outward...

The year is a pattern too, I suppose: a rhythm of seasons, a design of hours. It’s easy to fall into blind repetition. The security of a pleasing arrangement, the tradition of it, can be very enriching -- and it doesn’t need to be tossed aside just for the sake of something new. But neither should a pattern be followed endlessly for the sake of convenience.

Better to use a good pattern as a frame -- a place to paint new pictures from time-to-time. That’s another reason why I like October: it’s a time of tradition and a time of change.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot: I have nothing to say.

(I’m so predictable...)

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Patterns" »

Posted by The Allurium at 3:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

2:51 PM, Tuesday afternoon. I really enjoyed my fish, Tippy -- though I didn’t name him. He was a six or seven inch Koi with a body the color of orange sherbet and a head the color of ice. He lived in our water garden and I could actually feed him by hand. He died several years ago when the water garden suffered an unexplained "Koi die-off". Hmm, I was just thinking about him and his fishy compadres today for some reason. Other than that: I have nothing to say.

Water gardening is a rewarding experience. Primarily, all you do is dig a hole, line it with something water-proof, fill with water, and then stock it with various interesting plants and animals. A fountain or waterfall is also a soothing touch. Most of the labor comes at the beginning of the project -- after that it is all just upkeep, which isn’t so bad. (Unless your dog happens to fall into the pond and tear the liner -- then it’s "emergency fish and plant rescue" time.)

Last Summer, my brother and I had a "Tikki" party outside by the pond. We lit some tikki torches (of course) the small lanterns spaced around the pond, and floated a few candles on the water itself. It looked very "Maxfield Parrish": glowing candle-light, shimmering water, deep green lily pads. Everyone sat around, drank a few Mojitos, and enjoyed the evening.

Too bad Tippy couldn’t have been there. Now we just have goldfish...but they are neat too.

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Tippy the Fish" »

Posted by The Allurium at 3:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

7:52 PM, Wednesday evening. So, I’m killing time a bit before going out for the night. Got my ear pierced a week ago; I like it. It didn’t hurt at all...and still doesn’t. See, who says I have nothing to say?

"Love," he pronounced portentously, "is a funny thing." Then his head exploded from confusion and he tumbled off of his soapbox. Whew, close call there...

How about a less whiny topic...wine!

Since I have a favorite white wine I was determined to find a red one as well. After very little research I have found that I enjoy Merlot quite a bit. (My, my, aren’t I the sophisticated one?)

And on another topic entirely: Raymond Chandler was a damn fine writer.

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Merlot" »

Posted by The Allurium at 3:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

4:11 PM, Sunday afternoon. I like water gardens. They are soothing and beautiful and always fascinating to watch. Of course, cleaning out the filter and pump (if you have one) is a grimy job. But it makes the fish happier. And, now that I’ve said that, I’ll say this: I have nothing to say.

Boy am I looking forward to getting down to the beach. I need to lay back, drink a Margarita, and soak up some...inspiration. You ever get the feeling that you have to make some major changes in your life?

Me too.

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "The Beach" »

Posted by The Allurium at 3:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

2:53 PM, Wednesday afternoon. What an emptily disappointing year this is turning out to be. I could whine for ages about why this is so but...you know, I have nothing to say.

I always thought that I’d like Tori Amos but I’d never gotten around to buying any of her CDs. Last year, my brother gave me Boys for Pele and I really enjoyed it. I just bought Under the Pink and am playing it constantly. It seems that the more I listen to the CDs the more songs I find that I like.

See, I was right.

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Bad Year" »

Posted by The Allurium at 3:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

7:31 PM, on a Thursday evening. I just had lentil soup (sprinkled with shredded Mozzarella cheese) and a couple of slices of rye bread. Tasty. I’ve been exercising for about three weeks now (back in that groove) and I still find that I have nothing to say.

It’s amazing how little TV I watch anymore. When I was younger I watched several shows every night (along with the occasional Saturday morning cartoon). Now I watch, at most, two or three television shows a week.

Is lack of TV bad for you?

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Lentil Soup" »

Posted by The Allurium at 3:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

5:00 PM, on a Tuesday evening. I hardly ever get headaches -- but I’ve had one now for two days. What fun. Aside from that, I have nothing to say.

I enjoy cooking (but don’t do it enough, at the moment). There is something uniquely rewarding about being able to make a nice meal for yourself or others. What can I say? I’m a real wild child.

So far, I’ve been meaning to start doing weight and aerobic workouts since the first of January. Needless to say (but I’ll say it anyway): I have yet to break a sweat on a regular basis. Ah, procrastination -- how do I love thee!

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Procrastination" »

Posted by The Allurium at 2:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

7:29 PM, on a Monday evening. I’m waiting for diner (lentil loaf, salad, and some fresh asparagus that I am going to steam and coat with melted margarine, lemon juice, and Italian bread crumbs). Once more I am struck by the fact that: I have nothing to say.

Most of my reading about mythology is centered around Greek and Roman myths -- yet, recently, I find myself increasingly interested in Egyptian mythology. Two of my favorite symbols (if you can be said to have such things as favorite symbols) are Egyptian: the Ankh and the Eye of Horus. I’m going to have to find a good book on Egyptian mythology one of these days...

And something else (totally unrelated to the above): Riesling is a tasty wine.

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Eye of Horus" »

Posted by The Allurium at 2:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

1:07 AM, on yet another Wednesday morning. I’m feeling very disorganized and gloomy and realizing, you know what? I have nothing to say.

So I’m thinking about the sequel to the movie The Crow. The first film was good: a simple story of revenge, really. But it had something to it, a Gothic glimmer that let it stand out. The second film, The Crow: City of Angels, only achieves redundancy (at least to me). There is no expansion of the concept, no "taking things further". Just more tragedy and revenge. I realize that no one asked, but if I had made the sequel I would have done the following:

Change the setting to a clean and perfect city, in the middle of Winter. (The flames and steamy urban decay thing has been done to death, no pun intended.)

Instead of revenge (killing one’s killers) make the motivation for the Crow’s brief return to life atonement or sacrifice (righting a personal wrong or protecting other innocents). And --

Have a woman play the part of the new Crow.

Now all the above doesn’t mean I’d take out the violence, turn the Crow into a superhero do-gooder, or make the film less "dark". I’d just make it dark in a different way.

Ta-da!

Oh, never mind...

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "The Crow" »

Posted by The Allurium at 2:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

1:57 AM, on a Tuesday morning (do you ever get the impression that I’m a night-owl?). I’ve been working on my web pages for hours and I am now (believe me) ready for bed. Funny thing, though: I have nothing to say.

I find myself wishing (more, and more often) that I had not compressed all the data on my hard drive. Things are so slooow now. Ah well, I did need the space. I guess.

On my reading list at the moment is Idoru by William Gibson (it’s a good book and I still love Gibson’s style). My current musical groove is Nude & Rude: The Best Of Iggy Pop.

I’m still trying to decide whether or not to spill a little JAVA onto my home page. And, hey, speaking of JAVA:

My favorite way to drink espresso is with a shot of raspberry syrup, while it is still very hot, and as quickly as I can.

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Espresso" »

Posted by The Allurium at 2:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

5:56 PM on that same Wednesday. I’ve slept. I feel better. I still have nothing to say.

If a person who doesn’t drink much (and who doesn’t smoke at all) drinks a regular martini followed by two Bombay Sapphire martini’s and smokes half a cigar, an interesting biological process will occur. Said process culminating at approximately 2:30 PM the next day with a fascinating display of "dry heaves".

Don’t ask me how I know this.

Frequently, upon exploring the webbing efforts of others, I am struck with "page envy". I want a scanner, audio-recording capabilities, a huge hard drive, Adobe PhotoShop & Illustrator, a superfast modem and a whoppingly bigger chunk of HTML knowledge. Whew, if I close my eyes and count to ten, it passes.

The capital of Tuvalu is Funafuti.

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "A Three Martini Night" »

Posted by The Allurium at 2:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

6:37 AM on a Wednesday morning. I’ve been a day without sleep, my eyes are tired, and I have nothing to say.

The coolest thing I’ve learned about halos: besides representing supernatural or divine power, they are also symbolic of cages. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

I can’t get Tori Amos’ song "Hey Jupiter" out of my head at the moment. Wonder why that is?

I have a Gothic PEZ dispenser. Really.

--- JWR, 1997

Continue reading "Gothic PEZ" »

Posted by The Allurium at 2:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)