Up in Smoke : Why I Don't Believe in Twin Flames
"Infatuation, according to the Greeks, is an exaggeration of similarities. Resentment is an exaggeration of differences. Love is equally embracing both."
- Dr. John F. Demartini, "The Heart of Love"
I don't believe in Twin Flames. Quite a few moons ago, as I was excitedly flying down the freeway on my way to a first date, I passed a car on the side of the road that was completely engulfed in flames. I headed home hours later, convinced that I had met - no, that I had known - this guy before in another place and time. I began to question my sanity further when I spotted a completely different car in a completely different location that had been eerily abandoned on the side of the road, its exterior charred and seats singed, as though it, too, had recently been aflame.
I wandered into a metaphysical shop days later to purchase some herbs. The resident psychic, who I had never met before, spotted me as I walked in and softly said, "Twin Flame encounters, eh?". (Cue the "Twilight Zone" theme song!)
I soon found myself barrelling through the digital black hole of Twin Flame google results. Evermore intrigued, I came across a test that promised to "prove whether or not you have met your TRUE Twin Flame." It consisted of choosing an unusual object that you wouldn't normally find in your everyday environment and then declaring to the universe, "If [blank] is truly my Twin Flame, then show me this object seven times in the next seven days!" I chose a lotus flower. I somehow ended up seeing about fifty lotus flowers the very next day. (Try this and get back to me.)
After all of this, and a great deal more, I still don't believe in Twin Flames... at least, not what our society currently believes that they are. In my coaching and personal experiences, I have noticed that the concept of Twin Flames is often used to justify unhealthy obsessions or infatuations. When we like or admire people, we naturally long to connect with them. Because of this, we consciously and subconsciously look for shared experiences and beliefs that will help us bond.
But sometimes, when a crush gets a little out of control, the search for similarities goes into overdrive - morphing into the definition of "infatuation" that is quoted in the beginning of this article. Under the spell of infatuation, we can begin to exaggerate all of these similarities to the extent that we isolate someone as our one and only match, elevating them far above everyone else in the universe. We begin to believe that this person is meant to be with us, even if our feelings are not returned.
And this is where it gets dangerous - many Twin Flame believers claim that there is usually "runner" and a "chaser" - that when you meet your Twin Flame, one becomes the pursuer and the other initially runs from the "divine union" because they're scared by the intensity of it. This ties back into infatuation. When someone doesn't reciprocate the feelings of another, this can trigger an unhealthy individual to desire that person even more. The ego becomes involved and the need to find self-worth via someone else's approval (in the form of her or his love) becomes the overpowering motivation.
To put it more simply - there are too many people out there who are using the idea of Twin Flames to justify obsessive, unfulfilling fixations and even stalking behaviours. The truth is that, whether of human, fae, elvish, alien, or vampiric origin, we are all connected and we all share the same "source". I don't believe in Twin Flames because of what the meaning has morphed into. What I do believe in is "super soulmates" - a term that I use to describe beings who cross our paths and inspire massive change and growth. They remind you of who you really are and of your true purpose here on Earth. To a certain extent, they are activators, which will be discussed another day.
If you still feel that you are in a Twin Flame situation, especially one that embodies the "chaser/runner" dynamic, check back soon, as I will be explaining exactly what you need to do to stay clear-headed and empowered, while ensuring the best possible romantic outcome. Until then, may your thoughts be calm, clear, and beautiful.